- When I was in the 1st grade, my favorite TV show was…___________________________
- When I was in the 3rd grade, my favorite game to play with friends was…______________
- When I was in the 6th grade, I wanted to be a…________________________________
- When I was in the 9th grade, my favorite music was…___________________________
We all fall victim to at least a few lies during the course of our lifetime. Some lies may be extremely troublesome to our personal wellbeing, while other “white lies” may be far more innocuous. Either way, a lie is meant to deceive. So how can we avoid falling victim to a lie in the future? I believe you can identify a lie or a liar by asking a person 6 simple questions:
A lie can travel halfway around the world
while the truth is putting on its shoes.
- Mark Twain
- How do you know this? - This is the very first question you should ask someone when they tell you something that you are unsure of. It immediately uncovers the source of the information and should give insight into whether the bulk of it is based on scientific fact or educated opinion. Although it seems like a very simple question, it is one of the most demanding questions you could ask someone. It informs them that you are not a pushover and forces them to backup their claims.
- What are the major concerns or risks? - Anybody who has performed the proper research on a topic for which they claim to be an expert should also be able to explain their major concerns in vivid detail. No plan is perfect. There will always be some level of concern or risk. If the person claims there is zero risk and no concerns, they are lying to you.
- Why do you think others might have an opposing view? - There are always a few different ways to interpret a specific set of data. No matter what side of the argument a person is on, you can be sure that at least one other person has an opposing view. Once again, if someone has done the proper research they should have a pretty good idea of what creates this opposing view. Thus, they shouldn’t have any problem explaining it, even if their explanation is merely an educated hypothesis.
- Can you please explain this in layman’s terms? - A person might use complex terminology in order to sneak a lie past your better judgment. The idea is that their complex terminology will throw you off, and instead of questioning the information, you move on to prevent yourself from looking naive. Never look past something you don’t understand. Get the facts straight. Make them explain themselves 20 times if necessary until you understand what they are saying. Until you understand the information, presume that they are wrong even if they sound smart.
- Do you mind if I sleep on it? - A lie, no matter how complex, is always paper thin from a certain angle. If you have enough time to analyze the information and look at it from every angle you will eventually see the truth. When someone lies and looks for you to buy into the information they usually want you to agree on the spot. They already know that their story won’t check out if you have enough time to analyze it. If someone is unwilling to let you sleep on the information in order to properly digest it, they are probably lying. Truth will still be truth in the morning, so there is no reason to rush things unless it isn’t the truth.
- How confident am I in this person? - This is a simple question that you have to ask yourself. You should try to determine if this person has any credible references. Sort out the reasons why you should believe them and why you should not believe them. Do you personally know anyone who has dealt with this person before? Think about it mindfully, what does your gut instinct tell you?
A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.
Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.
Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says, “I love it!” when receiving a gift and then smiles after making that statement, rather than at the same time the statement is made.
Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.” Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe,) instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.
A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.
A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.
A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn’t do it” instead of “I did not do it”
Liars sometimes avoid “lying” by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.
The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you… they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.
A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.
Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other-words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.